I had my first child at nineteen and my twins at twenty-five. A close friend became a mother around those same ages. We’ve talked about what to tell our daughters. My friend would advise hers to wait until at least thirty because she wishes she’d had more time to find her footing. I understand why she feels that way. I’d start with a different question: Do you want to have children?
Think about who would help in an ordinary week
I can imagine advantages to having more money, more time in a career or a better sense of myself before becoming a parent. I also think about the year my mother was dying. If I’d had my twins at thirty, I would have been caring for two one-year-olds while trying to be there for her. There’s no way to plan for every overlap. It does help to ask who could handle a pickup, a meal or a night of sleep when you need it.
Make the timing questions concrete
Write down which parts of your life would make parenting easier now and what might change in a few years. Think about housing, childcare, time off and whether you and a partner agree on who would take on which responsibilities. Revisit the list when something changes instead of treating it as a decision you have to make only once.
Get medical information for your own situation
Fertility can change with age. If your timeline matters for medical reasons, ask a clinician how your age, health history and goals fit together. The CDC’s fertility overview is a place to start reading before that conversation.
I’d tell my daughter that choosing whether to become a parent matters as much as choosing when. If you’re weighing the decision with a partner, see how to talk about the work of raising children together.