When Parents Say Toxic Things

Being raised by toxic parents can bring trauma that lasts for a very long time. A toxic parent is one that can ruin your life and it can be someone that controls you, uses psychological or physical abuse, manipulates, has no personal boundaries for you or parents that only care about themselves.

Parents that are toxic can control you by making you feel guilty or making you feel that you owe them something. You need to make sure that you can understand that the toxic things that they say to you is who they are and what they are made of and this can help you to not get emotionally charged when it happens.

Toxic Things Parents Say

Here are some of the toxic things that some parents say to their children:

I Sacrificed for You and Gave You Everything

The things that are said here are meant to make you feel like you owe them something or to make you feel bad for what your parents have done for you. They might even go as far as telling you about how they had to work so that you could have food, clothing, expenses and more. They might even tell you how they sacrificed to pay for your schooling.

Some mom’s will even go as far to remind you that she sacrificed her own body so that she could give birth to you. This is done so that you can feel like you owe your parents something in return for what they did for you.

Some parents will use this to make you feel bad and so that they can control you. By making you feel guilty, controlling you is way easier to get their way.

What Do They Really Mean?

When you are told these things by your parents, you have to understand that they are not happy in their own lives or situations. They made bad choices, and they were never able to get to the point where they wanted to be in their lives. They refuse to take responsibility for what they have missed and instead they try to make you feel at fault.

What is Wrong with You? Why Do You Do These Things?

A parent that says these things to you and talks about your choices in your job, your friends or even your schooling, they are trying to make you feel bad for the choices that you have made. They don’t agree with what you wanted and they think that you should have followed more in their footsteps than what you did choose. They don’t care about how you feel but they care about how things look to them.

Parents will try to shame their children so that they will change what they are doing and do what they want instead. They will look at your actions and try to make you feel bad for the things that you have wanted or done. Most people don’t want to have rejection and this is a way that your parent can show you that you don’t deserve to be approved of.

What Do They Really Mean?

A parent that says these things to you is a parent that doesn’t want to face their own rejection. They feel insecure and they have low self-esteem. They will act insecure and put it on you because that is how they feel. They think that you should feel what they are feeling since you are their child.

This means that your parent looks at everything that you do and they try to make you see things from the eyes of others. They will look at the choices that you have made and if they aren’t conventional, they will feel that you are attacking them by doing this.

You Are So Much Like Your Dad!

A parent that is divorced will turn the other parent against you sometimes. Your mother will be mad about the divorce and when you do something, she will throw the resentment that she has for him onto you. She will stop accepting the responsibility of her own guilt and her own resentment and she will blame you for how she feels.

She needs to work through her emotional issues but instead, she will make you feel that you are bad because you are like your dad.

What Do They Really Mean?

When your mother says this to you, she is just angry at your father. She will have a harder time admitting this if the father is the one that left the family. She might feel abandoned and she might want to make sure that you aren’t going to leave her like your father did.

If you are close to your dad, this might make your mother feel jealous. Since she isn’t able to deal with the emotions she is facing, she will send them to you instead.

You Only Care About Yourself. You are Selfish!

When your parent calls you selfish or says that you only care about yourself, this happens because they are egotistical. A toxic parent will be someone that is selfish because they will want to force you to do whatever they want, whenever they want it. They want you to work to meet their needs.

What Do They Really Mean?

A parent that tells you these things often means that they didn’t get the love that they needed when they were a child. They have a place inside of them that is meaningless because they felt that they were alone and that their parents didn’t love them.

In order to deal with these emotions, they try to get you to give them all of your attention. But, when you give them all that you have, it won’t be enough.

You Need to Do What I Tell You! You Can’t Do Whatever You Want All the Time!

This toxic statement can be that your parents don’t want you to do something that you are doing. They might try to make you follow a certain life path such as going to college or staying in a certain job field.

If you are someone that chooses to live a life that isn’t conventional, this gives you freedom to do what you want and your parents might feel that you aren’t part of the life that they feel that they gave you.

What Do They Really Mean?

Your parents probably really have worked hard to give you what you wanted and what you need and so they feel that they should be allowed to pressure you. They more than likely faced the same kinds of pressures from their own families and they realize that they made a lot of sacrifices to get things where they are for you.

They also feel that there are certain ways that the world works and if you aren’t living your life like that and you are choosing to be free of what society says, they might feel that you are acting out and that you are making bad choices. They don’t believe in this because they think that you are living a life they wanted to live and they missed it.

Final Thoughts

Our parents are our parents no matter what. If you have parents that are toxic, there isn’t anything that you can do to get rid of them and you can only limit the amount of time you are around them. This can help you to get rid of some of the negative things that they are saying to you.

Your parents are really just people though and everyone makes mistakes. When you see that they have a lack of compassion or that they aren’t even aware of what they are doing, you can realize that they are insecure and they are probably miserable in their own life. The way that they talk to you comes from fear, pain and even regret that they feel in their own lives.