Navigating Being a Queer Parent

There are many difficulties that come with being a single parent.  One must always be on parent duty without partner to occasionally handle off responsibilities.  There is only one income stream for the family.  There is no partner to share the joys and woes of raising a child.  These difficulties can be even more magnified when this parent is LGBTQ.

Being a single parent can forever change the dating scene.  But when you are queer it can be difficult to navigate the broader single parent community.  You may find yourself spending more time with heterosexual individuals since there are limited queer prospects.  This can lead to endless coming out experiences with other kids’ parents, and make a person feel more alone.

Kids meet up and become fast friends, but that rapid relationship building places the parents in closer proximity.  This leads to uncomfortable conversation.  First, talk can be about the weather or the kids.  Later, it will evolve into discussing the weekend or current events.  With time, more personal details emerge about aspects like home lives, families and hopes for the future.  When someone discovers a person is single a typical response trying to figure out a blind date.  Thus, a queer parent needs to come out to this new “friend.”

One’s queerness can be taken for granted by one’s inner circle.  Previous partners have met friends and family.  They know what the queer person prioritizes in a potential partner.  However, with “new friends” one might have to constantly feel like they have to explain themselves and their goals.  This is something that straight person don’t have to experience, as heterosexual is the default assumption for parents in society.

It can be difficult to come out, and to be in a position where one has to repeatedly come out can be tiring.  But the truth is that sexuality doesn’t define one’s ability to parent or your truest self.  If you were with a partner, your sexuality would be more visible, but be comfortable both in your singleness and your sexuality.  No one needs to know any personal details about you.  Don’t feel compelled to have to share every detail about your parentings journey; straight parents aren’t expected to share, so why should you!  Be confident in yourself, your abilities and the richness of your life.