Bullying can affect adults at work, online or in a social group. Being targeted does not mean you are weak or that you invited the behaviour. You can seek support without first finding the perfect response or proving that you are confident enough to cope alone.
Start with what is happening and what would make the situation safer. A practical plan may involve recording incidents, choosing a reporting route, limiting contact and getting support for the effect on your everyday life. The right next step depends on the setting and the behaviour involved.
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Put safety before confrontation
If you face threats or immediate danger, move towards safety and seek urgent local help. You do not have to confront someone alone, remain in a threatening conversation or physically stand your ground to show that the behaviour is unacceptable.
Where possible, choose a safer way to manage necessary contact. That might mean using an agreed written channel, asking for someone to accompany you or avoiding an isolated meeting. If you share a household with someone who threatens or controls you, private specialist support can help you consider safer options.
Describe the conduct rather than trying to diagnose the person. Repeated insults, humiliating messages, exclusion from information you need or threats give you more useful starting points than a label about someone’s personality. You can ask for help with troubling behaviour while the situation is being assessed.
Keep a factual record
Write down incidents as clearly as you can: when and where they happened, what was said or done, who was present and what effect they had. Separate what you directly observed from what someone else told you or what you think the person’s intention was.
Keep relevant messages or other material you are permitted to retain, and store your notes somewhere you can access safely. You do not need to provoke another incident to obtain evidence. Lack of a witness does not make your concern unworthy of being heard.
A short entry might say, “During Monday’s planning call, my colleague called my question stupid in front of the group. I asked to return to the agenda, and the comment was repeated.” Specific details make it easier to explain the concern and the change you are seeking.
Choose a reporting route
Look for the procedure that applies to the setting. At work, that might involve a manager, another manager if the concern is about them, HR or a union representative. In a club or community group, it may be the organiser or the person responsible for complaints.
For UK workplace situations, Acas’s guide to responding to bullying covers records, getting support and raising a concern. It includes formal options where an informal approach has not worked or the situation is too serious for one. Check the process and advice relevant to your own workplace and location.
Explain the concern, its effect and what practical help you want. You might ask who will handle the report, what information they need, how updates will be given and how they will respond if the behaviour continues. Keep a note of the answer and the agreed next step.
Plan contact and responses
If it feels safe and useful to speak directly, prepare one brief statement: “Please discuss the work without personal insults” or “I am leaving this conversation if the threats continue.” You do not need a clever comeback or a long defence of your character.
You can choose another route if speaking directly would put you at risk or make the situation harder to manage. Being calm or assertive cannot guarantee that another person will stop. Responsibility for the behaviour remains with the person doing it.
For unwanted online contact, consider the service’s reporting and contact controls. Avoid a public exchange that leaves you feeling more exposed. Ask a trusted person to help you review your options if reading the messages is overwhelming.
Get support and follow up
Arrange a check-in with the person handling your concern. Note whether the behaviour has changed and report further incidents through the agreed route. If the response is unclear, ask what happens next or seek independent advice about your options.
Make room for support beyond the reporting process. A trusted friend, counsellor or appropriate health professional can help with distress that affects sleep, confidence or daily life. Rest, enjoyable activities and time with supportive people can be part of caring for yourself; they do not replace action on the behaviour.
If you are also helping a child who is being bullied, involve the responsible adults and use support suited to their age and situation. The linked child-focused guide below covers that different role. Neither you nor your child should have to earn protection by becoming tougher or more positive.