Dating as a Parent
When parents make poor choices while dating, children are affected. This does not mean parents should put off dating, but that they need to follow some guidelines to protect their children while doing so. Listed below are several things that parents and people who are dating those who are parents should avoid. With these in mind, it is safe to jump into the dating pool without as much concern that your children will suffer.
Do Not Post Online
Dating sites are the most common way to meet up with someone in this technological age. This is fine, but when posting photos of yourself, do not include photos with your children. The same goes for Facebook if your profile is public. Pedophiles are real and will search dating sites specifically for women with children. Why open the door to that if it can be avoided by posting a certain photo?
Avoid Oversharing
Similar to the first rule, avoid sharing the genders or ages of your children either on a dating site or until you know the person well. Pedophiles are often attracted to children of certain ages or genders and will do all they can to get this information. Instead of oversharing, you may say I have children, but do not let it go further than that. If they start asking too many questions about your children, it should be considered a red flag. Any decent person will not push you for information you do not want to share.
Keep the Exes Out of It
When you do go out on a date, o not bring up your ex or any custody issues you may be experiencing. This is a turn off for the other person as you appear to be a crazy ex or someone who cannot handle their personal life.
New Parent
Just like not mentioning your ex, do not go on a rant about how your child does not need a new parent. This is not a conversation for casual dating. The other person will know they are not a parent to your child. However, if you are bringing it up often it may appear that that is exactly what you are wanting.
Hold Off on Introductions
Children emotionally attach to adults they are frequently around; it is a natural thing for them to do. Each time your children have been introduced to someone and then you break up, they will grieve the loss. It is not necessary to put them through this for someone you barely know. Consider waiting until you are in a long-term relationship, both considering marriage or moving in together to allow them to spend time together.
Wait on Adding Family Time
When dating someone new, o not allow them to interrupt your family time. Family time is meant for your children and they want your full attention. When family time is interrupted by someone new, children will either be sad or act out for attention.
No Lying
Children often hope their parents will get back together. If you are going to date, be honest with them that you will not be getting better with the other parent so they are mentally prepared. While this does not mean introducing them to your dates, they deserve to know the truth so they can deal with it.
No Oversharing with Children
Sometimes dating leads to hook-ups, but this is not information that should be share with children or teenagers. Children are not emotionally equipped to know this type of information about their parent. For teens, you are being a role model and would not want them doing the same, so do not overshare information of this kind when it does happen.
No Parenting Other Children
Children know their parents well, so even if the other parent is no longer around, do not try to replace that person or it could lead to resentment. If you have become a step parent, start with friendship and let the child decide where the relationship will go from there.
No Disciplining Someone Else’s Children
Parents will sometime try to push the unpleasant job of discipline off on a step-parent. When this happens, simply serve as the adult in charge that enforces rules, but leaves consequences to the parent for when they return.
While all of these are simply suggestions, there are many other resources for parents who are dating that can be helpful. Always keep your kids in mind as you move forward in life and choose the best course for both of you.
